kathy i love you

kathy i just wanted to say:
THAT I LOVE YOU!
you are gorgeous
don't ever doubt it
any time i need to talk to someone
i think of you

i hate calling people
i'm always afraid that i'll get their parents
and have to talk to them
but with you
i love your family too
so i dial your number without hesitation

you always seem to care
about what i say
even if you're totally not paying any attention to me
it seems like you are
and that's what counts :)

you're the first person i had a phone conversation
that lasted over a half an hour with
yes
you were
and i know that's kindof sad
but it's true
sad but true

and you always make me feel better
whether you're singing a really stupid song
or we're having a serious conversation
you always seem to get what i'm talking about

so i just wanted this to be about you
to be an inspiration to you
and i will love you forever!!

to: one of my bff's

lost

i came onto blogger today
wanting to spill...
about everything
about last night
and as soon as i logged on
and clicked that promising button "New Post"
i couldn't think of the right words
to say what i wanted to say
and also, i'm not entirely sure
that i want everyone to know
what i was thinking last night

i really wish i could talk to my friends
but they're probably sick of hearing about it
and it's not really them...that i need to talk to right now

i'm going to say that....
it felt...good... last night
being in your arms
and two of my major worries went away

but another one came up
because as i was standing there
trying to do my part
talking with someone else
his unexpected, almost agressive questions
confused me even more

sometimes i wish...
i don't even know what i wish for
that everything would work out fine?
but i've come to think that's an impossibility now
there are two many variables in this equation
the answer can never be something neat like: x=a
instead the equation looks like this:
-s(g-10t)-9mu(14k+7a)
with the entire thing divided by the square root of pi times 5
and the final result cubed within an inch of it's life

yep, right now
-s(g-10t)-9mu(14k+7a)
divided by the square root of pi times 5
and cubed=my life

why

why does only one person ever comment on my blogs?

says the girl who never comments on anyone else's

inspired by nicole

Nicole, because of your post i have decided to post my horoscope
well, actually, it's not my horoscope
it's just what your personality is supposed to be like
based on your zodiac sign
it's actually fairly accurate:

Iam: Gemini, the twins
Gemini's are the original free spirits of the zodiac,
(huh?)
and sometimes it seems like they can be in two places at once!
They usually have sensitive, expressive hands
with slim fingers
They make a lot of noise (only occasionally)
have boundless physical energy, (mm, not quite)
and are frequently late for appointments (yes! Yes yes yes!)
Geminis are friendly, inquisitive, clever, have vivid imaginations
and they usually love to read and share ideas with others
Foreign languages come easily to them
but they need to learn to be patient and not give up on difficult tasks too quickly.
(that last part is so true! from the part about being friendly)

Lucky:
colors-white and silver
planet-Mercury
gem-diamond
number-5
day of the week-Wednesday
flower-snapdragon
tree-elder
animal-dog (yay!)
bird-parrot
metal-quicksilver

yeah i have no idea if you'll even read this far
but it was kinda fun to find out
so i hope you like it

idk

"little boys who play with fire,
get their fingers burned"

morse code, woodpeckers and my own crazy mind

so this morning
well, actually, yesterday morning
i woke up
and there was this weird tapping noise from outside my window
and i had an idea what it was
but i wanted to make sure
so i opened the blind just a little bit
and sure enough,
a big, black and white woodpecker flies off

i closed the blind again,
and lay in bed
watching the room get lighter
as the sun got higher
and then,
there was the tapping noise again

and suddenly,
my mind
my crazy, wacky mind
seems to go off of it's own accord
and i start thinking
and this is my train of thought:

what if...
we could communicate with woodpeckers
through morse code
i could be lying there in bed
before i get up for school
and a woodpecker could just fly down from a tree
and tap out
"get up already, you're going to miss the bus"
taptaptappity tap...tappitytap....tap
and i could tap back on the windowsill
"i know i know, but i'm tired!"
and then onthe weekends
we could have whole conversations
Me: "so how do you know morse code"
Bird: it's inborne
Me: wait, how do you know english
Bird: you know, i honestly don't know
i guess its just from total immersion, if you know what i mean
Me: huh, that's wierd
so anyway
my brain was continuing on this strange and bizzare train of thought
and then it came up with this:
if a guy liked you
they had to train a woodpecker to tap out
"I love you"
on your window
every weekend morning
isn't that bizzare?
I can just see some of the boys in our class
standing outside on a 5 degree morning
trying to find the right window on the house
and then having the bird fly up there
and it being the wrong window
and they get the girl's dad instead
haha, wow
i'm so weird sometimes

traitor

"come on in for the real thing"
he says
as i get up to give him a hug

i sit down again
there is another wave of goodbyes
and he walks away
gone to play basketball
or something
idk

but as i watch him go
black jacket
baseball hat
that funny way of walking
i feel like a traitor

no, that's not the right word for it
i just, i felt like there was a war going on
a very polite war, but a war just the same
she's trying to push him away
he's trying to remain steadfastly where he is

and we don't bother her about it
it was her choice
and she made it
but at the same time
we still meet with him
i facebook him
he calls and talks to mom
asks dad if there will be a wiffleball game soon

it's just a wierd feeling
like we're on a covert op.
and she might suspect that we're still in touch with him
and doesn't care
but if she actually had any hard proof
she might blow up in our faces

so we don't really talk about it with her
we let her move on
and keep our friendship with him moving
but secret
in a way
which is wierd
because she's halfway around the world now
and wouldn't be able to do much about it anyway

wasn't it easier?

wasn't it easier?
in elementary school?
when you could be mad at someone

and then walk into school the next day
and you were "bff's!"

hormones weren't a problem
they weren't even part of our vocabulary

but i have to say
that sometimes i love the more complex relationships
both romantic and friendship
that come into play in middle school
i know i've totally contradicted myself
in this blog, and the last one

but i don't care

all i'm saying is that sometimes i love them
and sometimes i hate them
right now, i happen to hate them

again, if you don't understand what the hell i've been talking about
in these last few blogs
i'm sorry
but i don't really care
just don't read them

changes

what happened?

to all the people
I felt i used to know

yes inwardly you are the same
but outwardly
whoa!
what happened?
and I know it's the inside that counts
but the outside has it's value too

after all, didn't the color of people's skin
cause a war to be fought
a horrible war that pitted brother against brother
friend against friend

what a person looks like on the outside
seperates everyone and everything
cause people to lable
and to judge you

i know i've changed too
but really
the reason makes all the difference

i mean,
i don't really care
as long as you are still my friends
but it hurts to know that everyone around you
is changing
being seen a different way
knowing you are too
and not knowing
in what new way
people now view you

i wish we could all be vampires
and read eachother's minds
because i hate! not knowing
speculating
not knowing what to do
unsure
insecure
not knowing if your friends
are truly your friends
or not
what people say about you,
behind your back
i hate it
i hate relationships
both romantic
and just friendship
don't worry
i'm not saying i hate my friends
i just hate not knowing

i'm sorry if you totally don't get what i'm talking about
but it's hard to get across what i mean
without making everyone think
that i hate them
which i totally don't (btw)

why?

why is it?
that no matter how i feel
i always want to please you

you put me down
and all i want you to do is laugh at something i've said
acknowledge that i'm your friend
that you actually enjoy my company

i don't ever register your slights
until you've gone
and it's just me

thinking back over our conversation
i wonder how i could have missed them
and how i could be so stupid

yet these moments when you do this
happen so rarely
that the moments when you are truly my friend
outnumber them seven to one

but even one time can hurt
so think before you speak

what did i ever do to you?

a well known tale

once upon a time
there was a girl
who lived with her father
her mother had died

one day
her father decided that his daughter needed a mother
so he got remarried
to a woman with two daughters
who he thought could be company for his daughter

the woman simpered and preened
her daughters were just the same

then, only a few weeks after they were married
the girl's father died
coincidence?
i think not

now the girl was immediately moved into the attic
demoted to the position of servant
in her own house

her step-family bossed her around
do this, do that

her clothes become rags
her shoes, had no soles
her hands were red and rough from cleaning

but she made friends
when she went to the market
she became friends with the fish seller
and his son
the dressmaker
and her daughter
the butcher
the baker
the candlestickmaker

more friends then she'd ever had when part of
"high society"

her life went on
her hands slowly got used to the rough work
she become stronger
she got older
and became beautiful

years passed
she turned 15, 16,17,

her step-family became worse
if possible
her sisters uglier
her mother nastier

one day, a letter arrived

"it's from the palace"
her sisters cried

"what is it?"
her mother inquired

"an invitation"
she replied
"the king is throwing a ball
and we are all invited"

her step-mother was delighted
and danced away with her sisters
already talking about what they would wear

"wait!"
cinderella called
(a name her sisters had bequeathed to her)
"it says we may all go
that means me as well"

"ah, yes, of course you may come"
replied her mother
"after you do all of your chores,
clean out the stables
cook us dinner
and trim the hedges"

cinderella thought of
the stablemaster
the cook
and the gardener

"yes, i shall do it"
she said

her family continued away from her
her sisters complaining to her mother
"why does she get to go?"

cinderella turned away
a smile lighting up her face

the ball was to take place on the night of her 18 birthday
the only reason she wanted to go
was to have a beautiful night
to celebrate

she ran to the market
to tell her friends

they were very excited for her
and made her promise to tell them everything
the dressmaker's daughter was particularly jealous
"i want to meet the prince!"
she cried
"he'll probably fall desperatly in love with you, cinders
you're so beautiful"

cinderella laughed
"you look just like me silly,
that means he would love you too!"

the night of the ball arrived
cinderella rushed around
collecting her nicest dress
white with a burn mark on the hem
oh well
she'd have to cover it somehow

she cleaned out the stables
cooked dinner
trimmed the hedge

"hurry!"
called her step-mother
"we're leaving!"

cinderella rushed upstairs to get ready
but by the time she got downstairs
their carriage had already left

she ran to the market
and fell to the ground
in front of her friends
crying
telling them what happened
the fishmaker stood her up
brushed her off
told her that he would drive her to the palace himself
in the cart that he delivered fish in

the dressmaker looked at her dress
stained brown from the dirt of the markerplace
brought her to her shop,
took a beautiful dress out of the window display
gave it to cinderella
told her it was for her to keep
"on the house"
she said, and winked

so cinderella dried her tears
thanked her friends
put on her new dress
and drove off to the palace
with the fish seller's son driving the cart

when she arrived
she sought out her step-family
but they ignored her
aghast at her arrival
in her beautiful dress

she danced with the young men
entranced by the lights
the huge rooms
the number of people

finally, the prince entered
all the young ladies crowded forward
but cinderella stayed with the man she was with
knowing that the prince would never be interested in her

but as he danced past her with someone else
he saw her
and asked to dance

flattered, she agreed
they danced one dance, two dances, three
had a good time
laughed
all without him knowing anything about her position in life

the ball ended
he kissed her hand as she left the ball

she ran to the cart
crying

the fish seller's son
asked her what was wrong

barely able to speak
she told him that she loved the prince
but that she would never see him again

the fish seller's son
gave her a hug
held her tight
told her it would be ok

asked her how she could love the prince
she'd known him for four hours
she replied that she just did
but she listened
and thought that maybe he was right
love was more than dancing with someone

he drove her home,
held her tight again
told her it would be alright
it would pass

back at the palace
the prince had decided
he must find the girl he had danced with
his father advised against it
"there were hundreds of girls at that ball
how will you find the one you want?"

I'll know her as soon as i see her"
the prince replied

he issued a proclaimation
declaring that he wanted to find a girl
he went to every house in town
knocked on the door
looked at all the women
and left

cinderella heard about his search
but discovered that she didn't care
the fish seller's son had been right
the feelings she had felt for the prince had passed

but one day
her sister's were in a tizzy

she asked them what was wrong

"the prince is comeing! coming here!"
they were extatic
cinderella was not
she didn't want him to find her
she didn't want to have to marry him

the dressmaker's daughter thought she was lucky
"i told you he'd love you cinders!
you're so lucky
i wish i could marry the prince"

cinderella had an idea
she and the dressmaker's daughter looked very similar

"you can marry the prince"
she told her friend

when the prince arrived at cinderella's house
her step-sisters danced around him
offering him tea
crumpets
their hand in marriage

he was disappointed
he still hadn't found his mystery girl
when a girl walked in
dressed in rags
holding a bucket
she proceeded to clean out the fireplace
putting the ashes in her bucket

as she got up
the prince could see the bucket was too heavy for her
he walked forward and offered to help
she looked up at him
the dressmaker's daughter smiled at the prince
but the prince was fooled
he had found the 'girl of his dreams"

he proposed on the spot
she smiled
and accepted

and they lived happily ever after
the dressmaker's daughter and the prince

while cinderella left her step-family
and married the fish seller's son
and they lived happily ever after as well

sorry

i'm sorry i keep changing my blog around

it's not satisfying me

maybe i have OCD

or CDO

haha kathy i love you

you know what i just realized?

ya'll probably don't even care

about what i do

to my stupid blog

Ti!

a blank page

a fresh beginning

anything could happen

or nothing

depending on what's going on

in that crazy mixed up place i like to call "my mind"

oh dear

oh dear oh dear oh dear

i'm dead i'm dead i'm dead i've died i'm dead

haha, i love finding nemo

grrr, i hate violin lessons

no, that's not true

i just hate practicing for them

haha ok...

yeah i don't really have anything to say today

this is one of those days where that promising blank horizen

needs to be painted black

just because the white is hurting your eyes

not because it actually is inspiring you

no seriously, i'm just typing the most random things right now

i don't even know what i've been talking about

urg, i have to go to the movies

i don't want to go to the movies

now that's going to be awkward

by a long shot

did you know:

that love is the hardest thing to describe?

especially if you've never experienced it

which makes me one of the least qualified

well, i've experienced other kinds of love

friendship

that's a type of love

family

there's another

but you all know that's not really the type of love i meant

oh dear

no

i've overused the "oh dear" thing today

and the 'i know, right?"

yeah i've said that waaayy too much lately

wow

i just wasted like five minutes writing absolutely nothing of interest

have fun reading it!

tell me if it actually made sense

cause i doubt that it really did

oh d--no! oh well

interpret this story as you will

i made it up as i went

but just think about lonely girl and blue-eyed boy

and what their story meant

once upon a time...

ok, so...
once there was this girl
just your average, run-of-the-mill girl
big brown eyes
long brown hair

she lived in the middle of this vast, gray city
thousands of people
all wearing gray
hundreds of cars
all painted gray

she hated this city

she felt compleatly alone
she had no friends

she hated this city

one day, she went to school
and everyone was talking about the new kid
lonely girl didn't care
she didn't care about anything

but then she finally saw the new kid

a boy

now don't worry
this is not your usual, boy meets girl, girl meets boy story
they don't end up falling in love

anyway, just your average, run-of-the-mill ordinary boy

but when lonely girl first saw him,
she passed him in the hall
and heard the wispers as he walked past
saw everyone turn to look at him
eager expectant looks on their pale faces
so she looked too
and at the same moment,
he looked up
their eyes met
and she saw they were a bright, and peircing blue
like ice that's just frozen
really thick ice
that cold cold blue that makes you shiver
just by looking at it

and she loved his eyes right away
because they were the first thing she'd ever seen

in her entire life

that wasn't gray

it was because of his eyes,
that she went over and talked to him
introduced herself

they became friends
lonely girl and blue-eyed boy

she liked this strange kid
he was funny
he was kind
he brought out the good side in everybody

they became not just friends
but best friends

and slowly, she began to notice more color
a man walked past in a gray suit
with a bright red flower in his buttonhole

a gray car drove past
and turned purple where the sun hit it

a green leaf fell past her window one day
an orange bird flew overhead

one day, blue-eyed boy told her they were going on a trip
she didn't know where they were going
and she didn't care
she sat in the passanger seat while he drove
and watched pale green grass roll by
and the bright blue sky always overhead
and wondered how she could possibly not have noticed these things, in her gray city

they arrived at a great meadow

a sweeping plain of grass and flowers, birds and bees

she ran out of the car
and raced with her friend through the tall grass
feeling only the cool ground beneath her bare feet

finally they slowed
and lonely girl saw that blue-eyed boy was holding something

"it's a kite"
he told her
watching her as she examined this strange new phenomenon

he showed her how to work it
and they flew it all day
he was always at her side
because the day was windy
and the kite sometimes hard to control

but after hours and hours of flying it
lonely girl decided she wanted to fly it on her own

so she told blue-eyed boy to let go
he reluctantly did
the wind was strong

she set off running
he ran behind her, holding the kite

"let go!"
she called

he let go

the kite soared upwards
flying higher and higher

lonely girl let out more string
and more string
and still more string
finally, the kite flew so high that she was left with only the spool
and the very end of the string

the string finally unwrapped all the way
and she was left with an empty spool

laughing, she threw it away
and raced after the string
finally reaching it
holding it firm once more

yet the kite was continuing to rise
the wind was strong
and lonely girl felt herself rising
her arm being pulled upward by the wayward kite

soon, too soon, she was flying above the meadow
above blue-eyed boy
above the world

she was doing what she'd always wanted

to fly away from anything and everything

away about the very clouds

and as her dream was finally fulfilled
and she looked down upon the world
spread out at her feet

lonely girl realized she was afraid of heights

dang

i really want to write a story

because everyone else has

but i can't think of anything to write about!!!

help!!!!

make up your mind

Hello? can you hear me?
because this is dedicated to you

just wanted to let you know
that i'm tired of waiting for you to make up your mind
cause you're forgetting that it's my emotion waiting in the balance

i've told you what i know
now it's time for you to tell me

and i don't care
i just want to talk

to know where we stand
and to know what's going on
because i feel out of it
even though i'm a major part of it

and i just wanted to let you know,
that i'm sick of waiting

i've told you what i know
now it's time for you to decide.

this one's on you.

listening

the other day
as i was standing and waiting for the bus
there was no wind blowing
it was about 7:00 a.m.
everything seemed compleatly silent

and then, it was like something lifted off my ears
some sort of veil that hadn't allowed me to hear correctly before

and suddenly i could hear EVERYTHING!
i could hear the bare tree branches rubbing together
i could hear the birds flying over my head
i could hear my mom talking to my dad, and she was still in the house
i could hear a little squeak from the snow as i shifted position and it was further compressed beneath my weight
i could hear cars coming, minutes before they actually appeared

i made me wonder
how much our ears must be deadened by the constant noise we create each and every day
i mean that's got to do something to them
muffle them or whatever

so i wonder, if we didn't make so much noise,
what we would actually hear.

friends

isn't it amazing how much fun you can have...doing absolutely nothing...as long as you're with your friends?
today, i had three people over (sorry to those that couldn't be there!!!)
and we didn't do anything really
we hung out and ate chocolate (and pure sugar in the case of some)
and wacked eachother with wrapping paper
and went on the computer and watched random stuff like "the office" and the sarah palin rap
it was totally awesome!

god i love my friends
seriously guys i love you
all of you
you are all so amazing