the changeling

i watched this movie last night

it was very good
i wont deny that

but it was soooo creepy
i won't give it away in case you ever see it
but when you do
please remember that it was based on a true story
aaaaaaa!!!!
never listen to strangers
who drive up next to you in trucks

listen to women
we are just as important as men
and we do not deserve to be treated
the way we were treated in the 20's

police departments are not always right
and remember to speak up
when you see them making a mistake
but first, make sure you have some backup

lastly, there are some really creepy people in this world
avoid them if at all possible
the things they do...
avoid axes and abandoned ranches

that if my advice to you after watching that movie
creepy...but good

love...?

im getting a little sick
of everyone saying
that you're too young to be in love

and i'm not even saying that i am in love
maybe i am, maybe i'm not
but i kinda think that that's mine to decide
not yours
and you can't know how i'm feeling

the way i think of it
i think that there's a lot of different kinds of love
and a lot of different levels

like, there's true love
which, let's face it, hardly anyone ever finds

and then there's a crush
cause crushes can be more than just attraction sometimes

what i have right now
definetly isn't true love
but it's certainly a few more levels down than a crush

so yes, in a way
it is love
so stop telling me that it isn't
and let my feelings
tell me what to feel

what an honor's student does in her free time

this morning, i woke up at 11:30
i stumbled downstairs
and decided to practice the violin

i let the dogs out while i practiced
so they wouldn't bug me
now, i'm playing along
and lily comes back
i let her in

start playing again
half an hour later
ti is still outside
i go out and call him
there is no responce
i have no idea where he is

i go back inside,
and start to worry
most normal people would think
"he'll come back,
he's just out exploring"

not me

i have to start imagining that he's out in the woods somewhere
stuck in some hole
with a broken leg or something

so i pull on my sister's boots
over my pajames
put on my peacoat
wrap in a scarf
and go outside
to look for him
while looking like a complete idiot myself

i can't find him
i troop around in a foot of snow for a while
and then come back inside
i'm flipping out now
i go back outside
and whistle and call for him

still nothing

finaly, fifteen minutes later
he shows up
i'm overjoyed to see him
and smother him in a giant hug
then start yelling my head off at him

bipolar much?
yeah, i know

later:
now i decide to start doing my laundry
so i gather up all my dirty clothes
and trundle (haha, that's a cool word)
them downstairs to the basement
put them in
set the washer to:
load size: medium
water temp: cold
wash time: 10 minutes

i go back upstairs
and decide i want to get dressed
i'm still in my pajamas
then i realize
oh wait, i just put all my clothes
IN THE WASHER!

so all i have is like one shirt that i did yesterday
and a pile of clean socks

yeah, not very helpful

ok, so i don't even know why i wrote this
i was bored ok?
and i thought you might be interested
actually, it's ok, i know you aren't

maybe i'll call this:
what an honor's student does in her free time
yeah i like that

controversy

so i know this is a really controversial thing
but i was watching Secret Life of the American Teenager
the other day
and i was thinking
that they really should make a movie or tv show
maybe a movie
about a girl who gets pregnant as a teenager
and chooses to get an abortion
because that must be just as hard in some ways
as actually having the baby in the first place
so yeah, i know that was kindof random
but i just thought that they should do that
but that's just me

i haven't been feeling like myself lately
the things that used to make me happy
don't
and the things that used to annoy me
i could care less

i don't know what it is
the world seems like it's moving at a faster pace
than i am

an i don't know what to do
when all of you are moving so fast
that you're a blur
and i'm still trying to get to the end of the week

idk why i'm feeling like this
totally different from how i usually am
in other words
i mean, i made up a song today
and i don't sing
i don't even know if i like the song
but the fact that i made one up
is weird

i think i need olivia
to be here with me
helping me live my life
instead of down under
in overrated mexico

change

i hate that word sometimes

and i hate what it brings with it

sometimes good and sometimes bad

i wish things always stayed the same

it would be so less confusing

to try to life your life

Abe Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln

he is now,
officialy,
my hero

seriously, he was an amazing man
and didn't deserve to die when he did

you rock man
happy 200th!

leave us alone!

today,
that was totally uncalled for

maybe you thought it was funny
you were just playing around

but put yourself in my position
of having everyone
laughing at you

at you
not with you

if you were in that position
you wouldn't like it either
so back off
and don't put others
where you wouldn't want to be yourself

teenagers

i've heard it described as a roller coaster
one minute you're up
the next you're down

and i always thought
that's silly
your emotions don't change that fast
but they do

one minute i feel happy
compleatly sure of my friends
myself
everything

the next i'm worried that i care more for others
than they do for me
i'm filled with doubt
worries
insecurities
annoyances

and let me tell you one thing
i absolutely hate it

hmm,

wow

that was depressing

no happy endings

the girl races down the path
her hair flying behind her
skirt flapping around her knees
bare feet hitting the earth in a dull rhythm

she turns a corner
the woods are all around her
she can't hear anyone
no sound of human life

perfect
peaceful

she can feel herself slowing
her muscles screaming for rest
she must have been running for at least ten minutes
only a little farther

she pushes onward
unwilling to let her tired legs slow
or her aching feet falter
in their pounding rhythm

another minute ticks by
and another

she rounds another corner
and sees lightening ahead of her
a clearing coming up
finally
she's almost there

she runs the last few steps
and the path comes out of the woods
showing instead
a small pond
small,
but deep
she can see the weeds growing on the pond

there is a small, old dock
streatching out into the pond
this is what she runs to
unhesitatingly, she runs to the end of the dock

here,
finally
she stops
poised on the edge
about to fall
but holding herself back

she stands there
frozen
for one more moment
before swinging her arms up and over
and diving into the pond
she comes up for air again
the cool water clearing her head

her feet are burning
after the heat of excersizing
and then the cold water
but she doesn't care

she floats on top of the water
staring at the sky
the white clouds
drifting across the vast expanse
calming
soothing

she lies there for hours
her hair spread out around her
watching as the sun gets lower
and lower
wishing she didn't have to go back
to her house
her family and friends
her life

after a long while
she decides she must go back
before leaving
she flips
and does a surface dive
comes back up
does another
deeper this time
and deeper still
pushing herself ever further
her heart beating
her ears ringing with the silence of the water
she is in among the weeds now
but she is not scared
they are calm and green

swaying gently back and forth

she waves her hand
and makes them swirl around
caught in the currents
her motion created
she laughs to herself
down there
in the weeds and the water
at how silly
all her worries seem
now that she is here
he lungs are starting to hurt
so she goes to push herself back up
to the surface
and the oxygen

she kicks off the bottom of the pond
reaching for the light
when she feels something tug at her arm

a weed
has wrapped around her hand and arm
trapping her in the cold water

lungs aching now
she goes to brush the weed away
only to find
that it's not just one weed
but many
that have been tangled together
into a giant knot

she tries harder now
to rip them off
her lungs burning in her chest

and in a moment of derision
she thinks to herself how perfect this would be
to have her end be here
locked in a web
which she found herself caught in
just like the web of lies
and drama
and pain
and love
that her life has been made up of

the thought passes
and she is truly worried
her lungs are killing her
crying out with their need for air
cursing to herself
she kicks at the weeds
and her foot gets stuck in the soft silt
at the bottom of the pond

slowly
she can feel herself getting dizzy
her brain's need for oxygen
outweighing her need to focus
to break free of this mess

slowly
her eyes close
seemingly unable to keep open any longer
in her head she is screaming
but her body
is slowing
shutting down

and quietly
her final action
her lips open
and her dying lungs
take one last inhale

sealing her fate
as the water rushes in

olivia

liv
i have to tell you
that i love you soooo much

and that was exactly what i needed

i seriously almost started to cry when i read it
i'm not even kidding

and i have to tell you
that you are one of the most amazing friends
that i have ever had
or will ever have
just as we've always been there for you
you've always been there for us
and it's the greatest feeling in the world
knowing that someone will always care
about whether you're feeling down
or feeling on top of the world
i've always loved how we can be super goofy when we're together (well, well, i'll pour lipgloss in your ear!)
or we can be serious
and just talk and talk
remember that time that i came over
and we talked for hours
it was like 8:00
you're parents still hadn't come home yet
and we were still talking
i've had the best times with you
making some messed up chocolate chip cookies
and trying (and failing) to make crepes
walking down to the green grocers
to buy potatoes
and walking up to buy some candy instead
i love how we just get eachother
that day when i found you by the tree
we didn't even need to say anything
we just sat there
and watched the sun
going off on our own train of thought
i just knew that you didn't really want to talk right then
just wanted to think about things
and so we did

those are just a handful of the things that i love about you
my amazing
hilarious
smart
gorgeous (yeah, i said it!)
friend

forever

sometimes...

sometimes,
i wish i wasn't so easily swayed
i wish that i could hold onto my own thoughts
because a lot of the time
i feel like i agree too quickly
and end up saying things
that i later regret

things about people that i actually like
but when i'm talking to someone
and they say something mean about the person
i immediately start in
i don't know what's wrong

liv, you're not a bitch
i'm a bitch

i know what they always say

i know what they always say
that guys aren't the most important thing in life
but i don't care

because before this
i was the most bored i've ever been in my entire four years of middle school
and now, instead of waiting impatiently for the weekend
it's monday i can't wait for

when i can walk in
see your face
and know that you're mine

i also know that this is the cheesiest blog i've ever written
but what the hell
it's also compleatly true
<3

mitchelldavis(again)

you know what?
mitchell is right
most sequels are never as good as the first time

the best

here are a few of my favorite mitchell davis videos:

(if you don't know who that is, well, watch and find out)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kliWSCwhPyE&feature=channel_page
this one is really cool, i don't know how he did it or what he did but it's awesome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFDbEpRitAg&feature=channel_page
probably my all time favorite

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd4s66qANj8&NR=1
love the part in the middle where he's wearing the mustache

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0emjCZJVuA&feature=channel_page
"nobody listens to me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lulO3sIfsIM
the best of mitchell davis (it's missing a few of my fav moments but...whatcha gonna do?)

yeah, so, um, i hope you enjoy these
i know i do

wow, i spend waaaayy too much time on youtube
i just realized that
wow
yeah
ok, i'm just going to stop now
as in right now
right NOW!
ok seriously just stop typing!!!!!
gaaaah!

wondering

sometimes i wonder why i even bother
to write these blogs

i write nice things about my friends
hopeing that they'll read them
and feel good inside

but no one ever does seem to read them
and i have to wonder

why i even bother

staring into space...and seeing a whole heck of a lot

sitting next to my window
wrapped up a blanket
cup of tea in my hands
peaceful

waiting for something to happen
anything
but nothing ever does
the days drag on
slow, lifeless
heartrendingly boring

wishing
for snow to pile high enough
to cover up my window
at at the same time
for it to be sunny enough
to melt all the snow on the ground

yes i'm sitting, waiting, wishing
but i don't really know what for.

*click*

what is wrong with me?
i don't even know

it's become an obsession
what do i say
what i do i do
where do i carry out these plans

i log on facebook
and the first thing i do
i look for your name in the chat list

i want to talk to you all the time
and then, when i finally get my chance
i can't think of the things i wanted to say

i was so unsure
and then suddenly

something clicked

this one's for the girls

so, all of my girlfriends have been seeming a bit down lately
so i've decided to write each of you something
in the hopes that everything will work out soon
in a way that makes everyone happy:

savanah:
i don't know you all that well
but it seems like you've been needing to talk to someone
i hope you find someone you can trust
and that will give you good advice
i would recommend a dog or a cat
as they are great listeners
but they aren't so great with the advice part

maddy:
it seems like you haven't been so confident lately
and have been having some insecurities
(don't we all)
but take it from me:
you're beautiful

cassidy:
i'm so glad
that you can finally be with a guy
that you really like
and who really likes you
i hope we can all be so lucky

erica:
if you stick it out for this one year
you'll get to have the antidote for your disease
every
single
day
next year
i love you!

myzee:
i'm sorry
i know things haven't been going your way lately
but maybe now you can talk to him
and just be friends for right now
and wait it out
and then try things again

alita:
i hope you're having a good time at ski school
we're all missing you at school
it's so different without you
it was good to see you at the dance!

helen:
i hope this time ends up being real
or if not this one
that you'll find the real one soon

nicole:
i love you sooo much
we all do
and i'm glad that your life is finally settling down
and maybe becoming a little brighter?

olivia:
you're one of my best friends in the whole wide world
i love you sooooo much!
i would never want you to be on the sidelines of my life
i would never hate you
and i hope you would never hate me
we really need to have a talking shesh soon (really soon!)
and i wrote back btw

i love you all guys
and each one of you is amazing
i know life has it's ups and downs
but you'll live through em'
and your friends will always be by your side